Little feet...

I was going to be a daddy, but I guess it wasn't in God's plan just yet. It's hard to keep my head up and keep moving , when all I want to do is sulk away to some dark place and cry myself to sleep. Feeling what I feel I wonder how much more my wife is feeling. knowing how much I hurt I wonder how she can withstand her pain. My tears haven't come yet. I wonder when they will, or if they will. Everyone in our lives has been incredible. Prayers flowing daily from everyone we know. Calls to see how we are doing, and if there is anything we need. What I need no earthly person could give me, answers.

One thing I'm finding out is that what happened to us is incredibly common. Knowing this doesn't help our hurting but it does show me that the people I know are a whole lot stronger than I ever thought possible. It's hard to believe how much good can come from something so bad. My wife has made connections with people that she never would have. Our relationship while pretty sturdy before grows closer through this.

When tragedy strikes a person you often hear things like "Why did God do this to me?" or "How could God let this happen?". The old stand-by of "Why does God let bad things happen to good people?". I guess I am of the mind that God has given us many gifts, life, love, the ability to make our own choices. We are called to have faith. Faith that God knows of a better place and has a spot picked out just for us. God knows that through the clouds and darkness new light can shine through. If he just stopped bad things from happening we wouldn't need to have faith, we wouldn't need to have hope. I just try and remember the story from the Bible. Jesus is met on the road by Martha I believe. When they meet she claims that if Jesus had been there her brother would not have died. Now Jesus knows of Heaven, and knows that death is not the end, yet he wept with her. He felt her sadness and held her and wept with her. I think it saddens God to see his people hurt, even though he knows of the greater good to follow.

Please God give me the strength to carry on. Be with Anne and hold her and comfort her. Show us the way Lord so that we can get through this hard time, and be with us as we look forward to the future. Come what may God you are holy, you are the way and the light. Thank you for our friends, and for our families. Thank you for the many gifts we recieve each day, and keep us mindfull that though we are broken, though we are sinners, we are forgiven and we will be whole through you. In your son Jesus' name I pray. Amen