I saw a picture the other day that caused an emotional reaction I didn't expect. My wife was showing me a video. In the video there were pictures of little babies hands and feet and of their sleeping faces. They were with Daddies and it immediately brought me to tears. I did not expect that sort of reaction. When we lost our baby
I took it better than I thought I would. I think I was strong and sort of wondered where the tears I thought I should be crying were?
I never knew how much I was looking forward to being a dad than when I found out that I wasn't going to be one. The saying goes that you don't know what you have until it's gone. I didn't have a child to physically hold in my arms, I guess that's the huge difference between the woman and the man in a situation like this. They say the woman bonds instantly as soon as she has the positive test result and the "side-effects" that tell her she is pregnant. The man doesn't get that opportunity and instead bonds when the child is born.
My emotion was brought on by a combination of this new found understanding of the desire to be a father, and seeing those pictures of what I won't have... yet. I can't wait until we are cleared by the doctor to try again. I don't want to replace the child we lost, but I know that I will love and appreciate a child that much more now.
Dear God I need you so much in my life. I'm not strong enough to change on my own. Make me the man I need to be. In Christ name Amen