Looking for the Son

Inspiration

2011-03-03T15:05:00.005-05:00

Sometimes I hear a song and it speaks something that I am feeling... this is one such song.

Seventh Day Slumber - Always

I’ll never find the words to say
How beautiful you are, Ellison**
And everyday that this life brings
You have to know how much you’re loved

Even when I’m far away
I will dream of you tonight
I will pray to God to bless your life
Always, always
As you grow and start to change
I will love you just the same
Always, always

And when you feel like giving up
I will walk you through the pain
And when you feel like life’s too much
Remember Jesus is your strength

Always

There will come a day when I’ll explain
All the mistakes your dad has made
I hope you see that it was Christ
And only Him that rescued me

Even when I fell away

** Changed to reflect my feelings, originally it was "son"

I love you so much Elli. I pray that I will always be the Daddy you deserve.

Changes

2010-10-28T02:37:00.002-04:00

When I was very young I had crazy ideas of what was possible. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I would say, "Either a doctor, or a Muppet." I think this points to two specific ideals. In one the idea that becoming a doctor would be attainable. A profession that takes a great amount of intelligence, but also an incredible amount of time. Then there is the other option, Muppet. I wanted to learn and help people, and I had a vast imagination where the boundaries between reality and the world of make-believe were blurry.

As the years passed I went through all the normal things a young boy does. One day I wanted to be the center fielder for the Detroit Tigers, or win a national championship with the Detroit Lions. This evolved into being a Rock Star, the girls swooning as I belt out a ballad with screaming guitar solos and crashing cymbals. A race car driver who sails past all the other cars like they're standing still and ends each day in victory lane, car gleaming not a scratch on it.

This brings me to the present day. Gone are the days of wanting to be a doctor. No Muppet aspirations lingering. The realization that of the very small percentage of people on this earth who are good enough to play professional sports, I am not one of them. Present day desires are much different. These days I take a look at my life and want much different things for myself. I want to be a good husband, to do the things that will show the love and care I have for my wife. I want to be a good father, to have the knowledge, patience, and love to raise my children to be respectful, loving, patient, and humble. I want to be a good Christian. To know God and be able to share his word and love with my family, and the world around me.

My goals these days at face value might seem more low key. Maybe they don't seem as glamorous or so unattainable. The thing is though that doing these things, are sometimes the hardest of all. My selfishness, laziness and greed get in the way and make being this man that I strive to be a very difficult task. I am so blessed in my life to have the people that support me, and care for me even when I falter. God shows me, through them, forgiveness, and patience.

So I'll never be a superstar, but what I am working to be these days is far more rewarding.

Boy or Girl?

2010-02-05T22:58:00.004-05:00

Ever since we found out my wife was going to have this baby people have asked, and I've sometimes thought about, if I want it to be a boy or a girl? Honestly I have definitely thought about it and go back and forth, never really settling on one gender specifically. I can see the benefits of having a boy or a girl.

With a boy I can think of all the things I could show him, teach him, about how to be a good man. The right way to treat others, and more importantly the right way to treat women. Play catch in the yard, do "man" stuff like work on the cars and lawn mowers and things like that. But at the same time I realize two things. One is that it's a bit sexist of me to think that our child would have to be a boy for me to do these things with them. If we have a girl or a boy they might enjoy playing sports and getting dirty working in the garage. They may enjoy art and music and love the out doors and want to go for walks in the park. We live pretty close to the beach so they will have ample opportunity to swim and play in the sun and sand.

There is a world of opportunity out there. As I grew up my parents never pushed me in any specific direction. I did many things through school, choir, band, sports, along with my academic pursuits. I have now become a young man who enjoys many different activities. I love playing sports. I love music and singing. I love taking walks and camping. I love to go into the city and explore. I feel that I am very well rounded when it comes to things of culture and what activities I enjoy. I hope to be able to pass that on to my child. I want them to be just as excited for a musical on a Saturday night, as they might be to go to, or play in a football/Softball/Baseball/Basketball game the night before.

So I guess to answer the question of which I would rather, boy or girl, I'd have to say that it truly doesn't matter to me. There will be many joys and sorrows, smiles and tears, no matter if the baby is a boy or girl. The adventure of raising a child will be filled with bumps, but it will be so amazing.

Here is to a healthy, happy baby. God give us the strength and guidance to raise the child to know you, to follow you, and to love you the way you already love them.

Hope and Faith

2010-01-11T02:12:00.002-05:00

I've said it, you've said it. "I hope...". I hope I won't be late. I hope I'll get a raise. I hope we'll have a baby soon. I think sometimes we look at the word "Hope" and don't automatically connect it with the word, "Faith". But when you look at what hope is, really think about the meaning of the word beyond the dictionary definition. Where does hope come from?

If you've ever looked into the eyes of your friends and family you have seen hope, or the lack thereof. Hope is an outlook, a state of being. When you have hope in your heart you tend to be optimistic and happier. But again, where does hope come from? In a word... Faith.

It is my belief that you cannot have true hope without faith. You can go through your life and say "I hope" this and "I hope" that, but true hope is something more than this wish-like sentiment. True hope is something that is almost tangible. When your hope is based on faith it fills you, it becomes you. Hope displaces all the debilitating feelings like fear, despair, and sadness.

I have faith in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. My hope is in him, that he will guide my heart and my life, that I may be a beacon of hope for others. For I know that if he is with me, who can be against me?

Fear...

2009-12-13T16:22:00.002-05:00

Main Entry: fear

Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English fer, from Old English fǣr sudden danger; akin to Old High German fāra ambush and perhaps to Latin periculum attempt, peril, Greek peiran to attempt
Date: 12th century
1 a : an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger b (1) : an instance of this emotion (2) : a state marked by this emotion
2 : anxious concern : solicitude
3 : profound reverence and awe especially toward God
4 : reason for alarm : danger

I figured a definition would be a good way to start this post. Fear. We know that it exists in our day to day life. I think most people would admit to being scared of something. There are the childhood fears, Monsters, Ghosts, the dark, thunderstorms. There are adult fears too. As adults we fear more realistic things. Things like losing a job.

In life there are many things to fear. But what is fear. Obviously you can read the definition in the dictionary. You know how it feels to be afraid. But what is fear realy? I think fear is satan getting his hands on your heart. Filling you with doubt and insecurity. Here are some verses that talk of fear.

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?

Whenever you are afraid. Whenever Satan has gotten a hold of your heart remember these verses and call out to Jesus. He will be your comfort and your strength. Even when you think there is nowhere to turn and nothing will help. In Matthew Jesus says "with God all things are possible.".

Any fear can be overcome. FDR told us in the 30's that the only thing to fear, was fear itself. But with God, we have nothing to fear.

What's it going to take?

2009-10-25T16:09:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you have a task you want to finish, or a destination you need to get too? Or a person you desprately want to say something too? Yet no matter how hard you try you never get done what you need to get done. Something or someone always gets in the way. Those dreams are frustrating aren't they? Thats sorta how I feel about my current walk with Christ. It seems like no matter how hard I'm trying to stay in the word, to continue to burn with the passion for God, I fall off every time. If you believe in Freudian slips you'd probably find it interesting that in proofreading my previous sentence I had slipped an L into the word Word. That seems to sum up what I'm trying to say. I want to be part of Christ, not of the world. But it seems I keep getting dragged into the same old pitfalls and traps. I am so thankful for God's grace, for without it I would surely burn eternaly.

Jesus Talks With a Samaritan Woman

2009-09-15T03:15:00.001-04:00

John 4:4-15

" Now he had to go through Samaria. So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob's well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about the sixth hour.

When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?" (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.)

Jesus answered "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."

"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater thean our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?"

Jesus answered "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." "

Who is the Samaritan woman in your life? Obviously this story isn't just about a man talking with a woman but more to the point of Jesus, a Jew, speaking to a Samaritan woman. A woman, AND a Samaritan at that. Jesus speaks with her and offers her "living water". Even though (if you read further you will see) she is an adulterer, a sinner, he tells her the news that he is the Messiah, the Christ that has come to explain everything and save them all.

I know people who won't talk to someone because of their skin color. Or the fact that they may have tattoos or piercings, or the person does things they don't like or agree with. This story shows us that this exclusionary way of thinking and living is wrong. Jesus Christ himself broke these social rules and shows us that the good news of the Gospel is for everyone. Not just for the persons who look and act like we do. How often have we passed up an oprotunity to help someone in need, to be a light unto the world simply because they were different?

Father God be in my heart today as I go into the world. Open my eyes to the needs around me and close them to the hatred and fear that would otherwise hold me back. Help me to be more like your son Christ Jesus, for it is in his Holy name I pray. Amen

A call to follow.

2009-09-09T15:42:00.002-04:00

A call to task.

2009-09-08T16:32:00.000-04:00

This address was targeted toward students in schools all over the country. But I think there is a messege in this for us all. We all sometimes try and blame something, or someone for things that go wrong in our lives. We need to take a harder look at what WE are doing. When we try our best and still fall short, we need to learn from it, not let the failure consume us. When our lives hand us situations like poverty, like not having good role models, we sometimes give up, and use those reasons as an excuse to just stop trying. This world is tough. Nothing worth having is ever easy to get, and often is not easy to keep. You may not agree with President Obama's politics, you might not like the man he is, but the messege he delivered to our young people in this video is something that I feel is incredible. We/They (the young people) can continue to let outside influences guide them, or we can decide that we are in charge of our future. God doesn't make junk. I think it's time we stopped allowing the world to be our excuse, and become the masterpieces God created us to be.

Realization...

2009-08-20T20:21:00.003-04:00

I saw a picture the other day that caused an emotional reaction I didn't expect. My wife was showing me a video. In the video there were pictures of little babies hands and feet and of their sleeping faces. They were with Daddies and it immediately brought me to tears. I did not expect that sort of reaction. When we lost our baby

I took it better than I thought I would. I think I was strong and sort of wondered where the tears I thought I should be crying were?

I never knew how much I was looking forward to being a dad than when I found out that I wasn't going to be one. The saying goes that you don't know what you have until it's gone. I didn't have a child to physically hold in my arms, I guess that's the huge difference between the woman and the man in a situation like this. They say the woman bonds instantly as soon as she has the positive test result and the "side-effects" that tell her she is pregnant. The man doesn't get that opportunity and instead bonds when the child is born.

My emotion was brought on by a combination of this new found understanding of the desire to be a father, and seeing those pictures of what I won't have... yet. I can't wait until we are cleared by the doctor to try again. I don't want to replace the child we lost, but I know that I will love and appreciate a child that much more now.

Dear God I need you so much in my life. I'm not strong enough to change on my own. Make me the man I need to be. In Christ name Amen

Faith...

2009-07-02T23:14:00.004-04:00

"Faith is to believe what we do not see, and the reward of faith is to see what we believe." Saint Augustine

The fields were parched and brown from lack of rain, and the crops lay wilting from thirst. People were anxious and irritable as they searched the sky for any sign of relief. Days turned into arid weeks. No rain came.
The ministers of the local churches called for and hour of prayer on the town square the following Saturday. They requested that everyone bring an object of faith for inspiration.
At high noon on the appointed Saturday the townspeople turned out en masse, filling the square with anxious faces and hopeful hearts. The ministers were touched to see the variety of objects clutched in prayerful hands- holy books, crosses, rosaries.
When the hour ended, as if on magical command, as soft rain began to fall. Cheers swept the crowd as they held their treasured objects high in gratitude and praise. From the middle of the crowd one faith symbol seemed to overshadow all the others: A small nine-year-old child had brought an umbrella. ~(Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul, pg 198)~

This reminds me of the story in Matthew of the centurion. A man who was not Christian came to Jesus because he had faith that his son would be healed by him. Jesus did not have to go and lay hands on the boy, the centurion's faith in Christ healed his son. I think all too often we look past how powerful faith is.

Father God I pray that you help me build up my faith in you. Lord I pray that you be with Grandma as she makes the transition from the earthly world. Give her peace that she need not fear death. Comfort her Lord and comfort the family. A mother is so special in a family God and losing her is going to be hard. Please be with us for we know that your yoke is easy Lord, and your burden is light. In your son Jesus Christ's holy name. Amen

Keep Saving me.

2009-06-27T13:48:00.002-04:00

I have been thinking about something we Christians say, "I'm saved". Saved sounds like something that happened in the past. But what about the sins I've committed this month, this week, even today? Does that one instant save me for the rest of my life? I guess I'm not 100% sure that it does. I wonder if maybe we shouldn't be asking for saving every day? I remember reading that Jesus says something to the effect of "what good is salt that loses it's saltiness?". I read that and think he's saying that we need to continue to strive, continue in our quest to be more Christlike, but also continue to show God the respect and devotion that he deserves. With that I think asking him to save us many times, over and over again is part of it. It's not easy living life sometimes, but our Lord is always with us. I'm going to let this song be my prayer for today. Please God listen to my heart and guide me.

29...

2009-06-19T21:58:00.002-04:00

My anniversary passed, now my 29Th birthday. I don't feel like these two milestones have even come and gone. Money's tight, I had to work for both. I guess it's a bit weird but even here at work with 8 other people I feel alone. I woke up alone today, and the feeling seems to have stuck on me. It's like I'm wearing the feeling on my back, carrying it from place to place as my day goes on. I miss my wife. I've never known someone who could make any situation better just by being there. Like when I change position in bed just so my leg touches her leg, or my arm touches her arm. It's just better when she's there. We can lie next to each other and watch a TV show, comfortable and warm under the covers. Mostly I just close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of her next to me. The smell of her lotion, her shampoo. Her little toes tucked under my calf to stay warm. Good night Annie, I'll be there in the morning.

Religion at work...

2009-06-16T14:17:00.002-04:00

I couldn't find a picture to go along with this. In fact I didn't even think "this" would come about as something to blog about. I was reading over some sermons posted on our churches website and found a piece of scripture that was used that spoke about the importance of helping others. Helping those who may not be as strong, or as able so that the unit functions as a whole. Of course this is definitely a major paraphrase. If you are curious what the verse I am referring too it is Romans 15:1-6, Paul's letter to the Romans. This chapter speaks of unity and the glory that can be found in a unified group of Christians following Christ. I felt that it had a much farther reaching meaning that could be applied to a workforce that can also benefit from being a unified front. Helping each other attain goals so that the outcome benefits all, for surely if one fails most likely all will fail.

I didn't think about the fact that these words of wisdom had come from a book that corporate America seems to frown on. The Bible, while something that brings me joy and hope for my life seems to have caused a bit of stir here in my little neck of the woods. I've been told by two individuals that it was inappropriate to share something from the Bible on a corporate e-mail. It could possibly offend someone. When did people go from being able to express themselves freely without fear of persecution to only being able to do so in small personal groups? I don't apologize if someone was offended by my quotation. If you don't agree with my source then don't read my message. If I were sent similar material from the Koran, or the Hindi Bhagavad Gita I feel that I could read it objectively and take it or leave it. My God is an awesome God and Jesus Christ is my savior. What sort of Christian would I be if I didn't want to share The Gospel with my coworkers? I guess I'm just frustrated. I will have to watch how I share from now on.

Father God I have heard many say that you never allow for a door to close without opening a window. I see now that sharing your word via my companies e-mail won't be tolerated so that door is closed. Please open that window that I may use to be a good disciple. My hope is that through your word and sharing it with others I can come to know you with greater understanding. Please continue to show your love for me in the small miracles that I see in my life each day. Be with me as I try and come out of my shell and let others know of your incredible love. Amen

A More Beautiful You

2009-06-11T18:16:00.003-04:00

I think we are all guilty of glancing through magazines and wishing we looked like the woman, or man. It's so ironic that we spend so much of our time and effort on trying to look like that girl or guy on the magazine cover, when to God it matters not a bit about our clothes or our make-up or our hairstyles. God cares about what we are on the inside, and as cliche as that sounds if you can hear it and live it it would take a lot of weight off of your shoulders. And maybe some pain from your heart. Always remember that God loves you, no matter if your clothes say Hollister or Fruit of the Loom.

What if the light at the end of the tunnel is a train?

2009-05-30T21:10:00.005-04:00

I hate to be pessimistic, but sometimes it's hard not to be. It just seems like when I think I've got my "stuff" together something I do or have done creeps up and stings me again. Most of my issues stem from the fact that when it comes to the almighty dollar I seem to be unable to change my habits. I guess if you think about it, if it is like a dark tunnel with a light at the end, you're bound to trip over something once in a while before you reach the end. I think the secret is to continue to get back up. Not only to get back up but to keep right on going toward the light at the end. Maybe the tunnel is the journey. The things we trip over along the way are our sins, our earthly stumbling blocks.

After all it does say in John 18:12 "When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

I see through the progression of this post that my God has comforted me. I went from feeling pessimistic about the world to understanding that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train... It is "The light of the world" Jesus Christ.

Charity?

2009-05-17T18:42:00.000-04:00

The sun was shining, a light cool breeze blowing made it necessary to wear a sweatshirt. It was a good walk. Beautiful day and for a good cause. Never would I imagine that doing something as enjoyable as spending an hour or so experiencing our incredible lake shore could help out. The National Kidney Foundation had their fund raising walk today at Pere Marquette Beach.

It makes me think a lot though. Why do companies, or individuals do charity? Is it for the tax write-off? Is it to show a positive face to the public and friends and family? For that matter what do I do it for? I suppose there are people who would say, "So what if a company gets good publicity from donating to a given charity?". I guess to me it seems like if you get something in return it's no longer charity, it's a transaction. In Ephesians 2 verse 8-10 is says

"8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast. 10For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

And in Matthew 25:37-40

" 37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' "

We should be doing these things not for praise or for gain but because we are called to do them by God. It's just a Hollywood movie but in the film "Kingdom of Heaven" The main character Balian has a carving in the beam of his workshop that says "What good is a man who does not try and make the world better" (paraphrasing). I think when you read these verses from scripture it is quite apparent that it is true. We as Christians are called to make the world better. To help our fellow human beings, and not for gain or praise but just the shear fact that God gave us the ultimate gift of grace and forgiveness in his son Jesus Christ, and we owe it to him.

Father God be with us. Show us the way to live. We know we should follow the example set my your son Jesus. But we also know that because we are only human we will always fall short. Give us the direction and guidance to do what is right, and to do it for the right reasons. You have given us so many gifts God and I thank you for the opportunity to use what I have to give something to others. Please continue to put these opportunities in my path and keep my eyes open to what is needed in my community, my state, my country and even in this world. Be with Anne as she goes back to work tomorrow. Be with her and comfort her. In Jesus holy name I pray. Amen.

It's so Amazing

2009-05-15T12:14:00.000-04:00

5 days ago there were only buds on the trees. 5 days ago there was a wilting tulip standing alone at the side of the driveway. 5 days ago there were large brown spots in the lawn. This morning I sit here looking out at a world where the buds have become broad green leaves. That lone tulip has been joined by what will soon be two groups of fiery orange lilies. The lawn is deep green and lush. This creation is so incredible. How could anyone look around at this Earth, watching how it grows and changes and sustains us and not fall to their knees and praise God? I know how... because I do it every day. I get busy with my "life" and all my hang-ups. I have to go to work, and I need to buy this or that. I wish I were stronger. I wish I were strong enough to keep Satan from getting a hold of me, from getting in the way of me praising my God. I spend my days with non believers, with fellow sinners who don't know of the love of Christ, yet my tongue is silent.

God gave me this incredibly wonderful creation in which to live. Gave me breath, sight, touch, taste, sound. Why can't I give him what he deserves from me? Why can't I tell others of his love, of his gifts?

Lord forgive me. I don't know how to be the man you call me to be. I see your world your people and I am in awe, yet I take it for granted. Thank you for the flowers. Thank you for the green leaves of the trees. Help me God, help clear my vision that I may clearly see the path you have made for me. Please be with Annie today as she has her first day back to work. God she is so incredible, such a blessing to me. I would give anything to ease her pain. Please be that ease today Lord. Hold her close to you. In Jesus holy name I pray. AMEN.

Little Pea

2009-05-15T00:24:00.000-04:00

This was a good day. A day spent with my wife, sunshine all day. It's 12:30am and I'm wondering, wondering what's wrong with me.

We called it "Little Pea". A name given by my wife because of the first letter of our last name, and the website that sent her e-mails telling her the size and shape during it's development. My heart is so heavy. I can't explain it any better than that. Why haven't the tears come? It's like when you get that tickle and it keeps tickling but the sneeze never comes. The sneeze never comes so the tickle never goes away. Shouldn't I be able to cry? Would that make me feel better? Probably not.

Father God we are lost. With our earthly thoughts we have a hard time seeing past this pain. Please give us comfort. Please give us peace. We pray for Grandma JB. God be with her doctors and be with her. Let her know God that you are there, that you love her and please God I ask you to comfort her. Thank you Lord for Annie. In Jesus name I pray. AMEN

Little feet...

2009-05-12T16:54:00.000-04:00

I was going to be a daddy, but I guess it wasn't in God's plan just yet. It's hard to keep my head up and keep moving , when all I want to do is sulk away to some dark place and cry myself to sleep. Feeling what I feel I wonder how much more my wife is feeling. knowing how much I hurt I wonder how she can withstand her pain. My tears haven't come yet. I wonder when they will, or if they will. Everyone in our lives has been incredible. Prayers flowing daily from everyone we know. Calls to see how we are doing, and if there is anything we need. What I need no earthly person could give me, answers.

One thing I'm finding out is that what happened to us is incredibly common. Knowing this doesn't help our hurting but it does show me that the people I know are a whole lot stronger than I ever thought possible. It's hard to believe how much good can come from something so bad. My wife has made connections with people that she never would have. Our relationship while pretty sturdy before grows closer through this.

When tragedy strikes a person you often hear things like "Why did God do this to me?" or "How could God let this happen?". The old stand-by of "Why does God let bad things happen to good people?". I guess I am of the mind that God has given us many gifts, life, love, the ability to make our own choices. We are called to have faith. Faith that God knows of a better place and has a spot picked out just for us. God knows that through the clouds and darkness new light can shine through. If he just stopped bad things from happening we wouldn't need to have faith, we wouldn't need to have hope. I just try and remember the story from the Bible. Jesus is met on the road by Martha I believe. When they meet she claims that if Jesus had been there her brother would not have died. Now Jesus knows of Heaven, and knows that death is not the end, yet he wept with her. He felt her sadness and held her and wept with her. I think it saddens God to see his people hurt, even though he knows of the greater good to follow.

Please God give me the strength to carry on. Be with Anne and hold her and comfort her. Show us the way Lord so that we can get through this hard time, and be with us as we look forward to the future. Come what may God you are holy, you are the way and the light. Thank you for our friends, and for our families. Thank you for the many gifts we recieve each day, and keep us mindfull that though we are broken, though we are sinners, we are forgiven and we will be whole through you. In your son Jesus' name I pray. Amen

The Journey Begins...

2009-05-12T16:25:00.000-04:00

I don't have any idea what will become of this. I just feel like there are times where I need to get some things off my chest or to share something I'm feeling. I hope that through this maybe I can figure out who I am as a Christian man.

My faith is important to me and I'd like to be able to share it more. I'm afraid sometimes to let go and be that light that I'm called to be. What if someone doesn't like me because I love Jesus? What if I end up being an outcast and shunned by the people I try and share the Gospel with? I suppose God's answer to that would be "Do it anyway.". I spend a large part of my day with people who, I think if I were given the choice, I would chose not to spend my time with. But I think the New Testament story of Jesus teaches us that those are the people who we need to be reaching out to. I want to be a good disciple and show the world how awesome God is and how much better their lives will be if they would let him into their hearts and be saved...

God, you are a good God, a loving God, Compasionate and forgiving. Thank you for your grace, through which I have been saved, and thank you for your mercy, though I don't deserve either. Please walk beside me on this journey. Show me the way Lord so I may be righteous and good. In Jesus holy name I pray, Amen.